Is This Real Life or the Twilight Zone?

So far this year has been like no other in my memory. Ever since the spring of 1961, when I was barely 10 years old, leaning on my dad, while watching John Kennedy speak about the Bay of Pigs debacle on national television, I have paid attention to what’s going on out there in the big world. Throughout the decades of my life, there have been many events that I’ve witnessed, some awesome and heartwarming, along with others which were brutal and disappointing. I’ve run the gamut of emotions during many moments when I’ve felt elated and optimistic, to those when I’ve been disappointed, defeated and often, furious. I’m not one of those people who can look away, immersing myself in my own little world, shutting out the issues which can feel overwhelming and unnerving. Being connected is what I do.

But there’s really been nothing this hard before. Nothing I remember that’s been this intense, just like what was predicted if that awful Project 2025 blueprint was ever implemented. Which is what’s happening now. Every day there’s a new executive order or a new court ruling that is lawbreaking, inhuman and anti-democratic. Or all of the above, rolled into one. Here are three snippets from articles I read in the New York Times this weekend:

“Federal immigration officers may deport immigrants to countries other than their own, with as little as six hours’ notice, even if officials have not provided any assurances that the new arrivals will be safe from persecution or torture, a top official said in a memo.”

“The State Department on Friday fired the remaining staff working in the office responsible for international climate policy, including annual U.N. negotiations related to climate treaties, according to three people familiar with the matter.”

“Trump officials have directed staff at national parks to review all items in gift shops for anti-American content, according to an internal directive reviewed by The Washington Post. The move is part of the administration’s wider campaign to scrub federal institutions of “corrosive ideology” recognizing historical racism and sexism.”

How far will this go? Right now there seems to be no limit to what this administration is trying to wipe out in an attempt to return to some long-ago culture that restores white supremacy, that promotes one set of values and one only, in what was once the celebrated melting pot of freedom and democracy. I never thought that things in this country were all that fabulous to begin with, and spent plenty of time opposed to more policies than I care to mention. But I never thought I’d see an autocracy as the goal, nor watch the full frontal assault on science, history, health care and education that I’ve witnessed in these fraught months. Poor people don’t stand a chance in this new paradigm. I literally cannot comprehend the fact that millions of people support most of the initiatives that come blazing out of this government every single day. Yet, what are tantamount to concentration camps are being built, media outlets being sued for broadcasting free speech, are ponying up huge sums of money to the most litigious president in history, and the most unqualified, incompetent toadies are calling the shots about national policy. Stunning and overwhelming. The organized opposition, at least at this moment, issued the statement below yesterday.

I do believe that there will be a pendulum swing that will shift power away from those who are currently wielding it right now. At my age, I’m not sure I’ll be around to see it. Unless I lose my mental acuity, I can‘t imagine a time when I won’t be part of efforts to resist and thwart what’s happening now, in whatever little ways are within my power. The future belongs to my children and grandchildren, who deserve a far better future than the one envisioned by the people behind this dark ideology. I still want to be around to do what I can for them, and everyone else, who doesn’t want to live under this nihilistic regime. The deliberate ignoring of the effects of climate change alone, when it’s right in their faces, literally makes my hair stand on end. But to be even a little effective, I can’t just throw up my hands and hide. So what to do for right now?

Sometimes I do feel overwhelmed. But I have some self-preserving strategies. I read a lot of articles in that technological way in which they are now available, coming straight into my email almost as quickly as they’re written. I have to monitor myself so I don’t drown in the number of topics that come my way. If I want to know what’s happening, I have to stay informed. But I also go old-school and read books. You can pick your delivery, holding them in your hands, choosing an electronic reader, or having them sent straight into your ears if you’re an audiophile. I’m working my way through histories and political analyses, mostly because recognizing historical perspective reminds me that this time will end, just like the ones from the past. I also am periodically taking a break from the most dense books, by reading novels to get myself out of reality for awhile.

Then there’s exercise. Right now that means swimming in my community pool. Sometimes if the heat and humidity aren’t brutal, I still take walks, not urban ones, but those in any natural setting I can find. There’s nothing more calming, or that resets your brain more, than moving through an environment where the silence is only broken by bird calls or bees buzzing. If I lived by a lake or river, I’d be by a shore where water sounds and movements help relieve stress. Even in town, though, there are accessible water features that are helpful for relaxing a bit.

My garden serves multiple needs for me, especially during this anxious time. The exercise required for maintaining the garden is good for my body which means it’s also good for my brain. At a time when there are mass honeybee die offs and butterfly population declines, creating a welcoming space for these pollinators is my way of making a small contribution to the health of our aching planet. Eating vegetables and herbs that I’ve grown is also a remarkably satisfying experience. And having passersby stop to photograph my yard or to tell me they keep my garden on their walking route is a bonus as well. The truth is even nurturing a small houseplant feels like a little relief at this point. I know I’m lucky to have a place where all those bits of respite are available to me.

I am by no means a wealthy person but right now I manage to make small donations to organizations that I feel are fundamental to democracy. Public broadcasting and independent news organizations need to be supported during this time when so much false news is being churned out multiple sources.

Yesterday I heard the president tell a CBS news reporter, who asked for a response to the Texas flood victims’ families’ questions about the lack of warning about the flooding danger, that she was, “Only a bad person who would ask a question like that, to be honest with you. I don’t know who you are, but only a very evil person would ask a question like that,” responded Trump.(CBS News, Texas) It’s clear that the current administration wants to keep control of all the narratives, a stance that is completely anti-democratic. So these contributions are one small way for me to do something positive for those under threat.

I’ve been participating in protests and rallies throughout my life. I think that coming together with likeminded people to demonstrate opposition to bad policies and destructive governmental actions, to be seen and to be heard, is essential in a democracy. Being present and being vocal is important. The attempts to intimidate and separate people with common goals is a tactic applied by oppressors. So I intend to continue with that part of my resistance to this administration.

Sometimes I just put my feet up and watch the tube. I’m particularly partial to movies and television that aren’t particularly dystopian, preferring to be distracted by entertainment that’s more optimistic, rather than anything gloomy. Comedy and fantasy are high on my list right now. And, I’m planning on going to an actual movie theater to see a light summer blockbuster, eat some popcorn and tune out at least once a month. I won’t even care if they’re terrible. The very act of doing something unrelated to all the worrying is enough for right now.

So that’s my current strategy. Stay alive, stay as healthy as possible, stay active, stay engaged. Some days are easier than others. I miss Michael and that safe, comfortable space we had for such a long time. I do take solace in knowing he’d feel exactly the same as I do right now. That helps me keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter what’s in the news tomorrow morning.